Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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