I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Farmville is her only friend.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
