it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't deserve a penis
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
