My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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