Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
