My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
