i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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