ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
