Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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