I need help removing her.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
