in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
