So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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