You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
