I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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