i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
