I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
