Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
