Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
