3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize