After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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