i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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