Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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