the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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