Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
