I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
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