I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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