couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
