My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
