those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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