mondays should just be called national damage control day
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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