Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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