hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize