If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
