You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
