New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize