he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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