I cockslap morals
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
