...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
