I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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