6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
