Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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