Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
dude. I can hear the air.
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