we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
