Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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