i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
