dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
