so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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