With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
