Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize