Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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