Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
