I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize