My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
