I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
