I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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