hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
