my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
