u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
