I cockslap morals
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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