tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
