i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
