I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
