This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
