The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
