So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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