I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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