I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
